i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
