quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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