You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
