shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
