the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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