I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
