You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
