i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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