I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
