have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
