I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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