i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize