I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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