Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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