You work out of a Hotel?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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