my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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