So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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