have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
