Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
