not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
