The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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