I just pynch a tree in the face
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
