I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
