I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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