i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
