yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
