I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
