My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize