Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
