Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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