Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
