I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
