Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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