All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
