We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
