you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
