(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
