Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
