just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
