Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
