I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
