Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
