If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
