She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
