Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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