what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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