At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
