He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
