I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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