What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
