best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
