we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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