The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
