She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't deserve a penis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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