her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
