Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I seem to have left my pride at pride
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
