sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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