The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
