I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
that may or may not have been my penis.
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