Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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