Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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