Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
