Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
