Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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