this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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