Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
