Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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