I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize