saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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