sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
