As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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