I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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