Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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