Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I bet he comes in French.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
