with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
