I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
