I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
