haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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