I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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