So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
